Email Request For Advice
Email Request For Advice
Dear CNY,
I am the adult child of an aging parent. I am nearly 56 years old. My Mom is 77. Mom recently came up from Florida… where she remained at a nursing home for approximately eight months after hip replacement surgery. She was temporarily residing at a Personal Care Facility while being medically evaluated, when she became ill this past Saturday. She has been hospitalized ever since. She has pneumonia. Also, other ills including OsteoArthritis and Osteoporosis and Incontinence. She does not wish to return to a care facility. We have discussed this. She wants to live with me. This is agreeable to me. I will have to move, as my place is townhouselike having many, many steps and also, there is only one bedroom and one bathroom. Can I get help for her in the home? She has Medicare Parts A & B. I want to be able to extend to her the dignity and quality of life in her golden years. I don’t know what to do or how to do it. I am an only child. Can you help? I would appreciate some input. Any input. I feel so alone and as though I am crumbling. I need a lifeline. I need to be strong for my Mom. Thanks for listening. I hope for a response from you and will look forward to it.
Sincerely yours,
Dear One:
I appreciate hearing from you and very much appreciate the situation you are faced with in caring for your mother… and caring, somehow, for yourself.
If your mother is currently in the hospital, you should ask for guidance from the Social Worker or Discharge Planner — and ANYONE else on staff with whom you may have connected during her stay there. It is important to know what she can and cannot do for herself so that you can make a realistic assessment of what kind of living arrangements will need to be made to accommodate her.
Depending on your locale, there may be a geriatric care manager (such as myself) who would be available to guide you objectively in these huge decisions.
Unfortunately Medicare Part A will pay only for hospital or nursing home care; while Part B will continue to pay portions of doctor, labs, Therapy bills, etc….., Medicare does not usually cover extensive care in the home. She may receive some covered services for a limited time upon returning home from the hospital.. you will need to ask the social worker/discharge planner/care manager. Make sure your mother doesn’t have a long term care insurance policy somewhere that covers nursing home and home care… more and more older people have such policies which can often take care of the majority of the bills.
My best advice for you - not knowing you personally- is to involve knowledgeable professionals who can help you be sure that you are making a realistic decision. Don’t lose sight of the fact that, while you are her daughter and you want what is best for her (that comes through loud and clear and I respect you for that) — be sure to find a way to have a life of your own at the same time. I have seen too many loving children “burn out” as primary caregivers for their parent(s) and have suffered themselves and ended up needing help themselves. If you can, hire professionals to do the actual CAREGIVING; try to focus your role as her daughter and you will find yourself much more resilient and caring and capable and healthy in the long run.
Be sure to reach out to any supports you may have: friends, extended family, support groups for children of aging parents. As an only child, it can be a painful and lonely experience with no one to share and commiserate with.
If you email me your approximate location, I will try to find someone who can guide you who is a member of the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers. There may be any number of people there who will be happy to talk to you in a free phone consultation. If you want more they will help you to sort out the options, financing and, at the same time, support you and your mother in the process. Do whatever it takes so that you don’t feel so alone in this. And please feel free to keep in touch with me if you find it beneficial. I am happy to offer my support, limited though it may be.
Kate
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